On July 5, Marc proposed in beautiful Burlington, VT!! We were fortunate enough to have the moment he got on one knee caught on camera by a very nice stranger who had agreed to take what I thought was an innocent picture by the lake to document our date night. For obvious reasons, this was a highlight of my life! However, looking back at the pictures made my heart drop a little. In most pictures, I am careful to suck it in, pose in a flattering way and hide my stomach. Seeing the candid pictures unfiltered and natural brought up upsetting emotions and some harsh realizations. I struggled to share them with family and friends. I have A LOT of work to do! We are planning a beach wedding and I certainly don’t want to look the way I do currently on my wedding day. So, I’ve said it 10000 times before, it’s time for a change. And what better motivation than to look great on the day I marry my best friend!
Last week I had the privilege and honor to be a bridesmaid in my best friend’s wedding! Fortunately for me, this meant an escape from the Boston cold down to sunny South Carolina! Unfortunately, it also meant a HUGE detour from my diet and exercise goals. The week was jam-packed with wedding festivities, catching up with old friends and sightseeing. Our hotel had a full kitchen which we planned to use to avoid eating out every meal but time got away from us from the very beginning and we never made our way to the grocery store. Despite that, our eating wasn’t quite as terrible as it could have been. Somehow, I didn’t gain at all! However, my body definitely felt the impact of the southern comfort food and lack of exercise. Getting back to reality this week has been a STRUGGLE! I am physically exhausted and now that my taste buds have had a glimpse of some delicious treats, I’m having a hard time controlling my cravings. It doesn’t help that we came home to a virtually empty kitchen and scrambled to pull together meals the first few days. I allowed myself the first few days back to be a bit lazy and recover but now it’s time to repair the damage.
While in South Carolina, we decided our diets would need a reset to recover from the delicious but not so nutritious meals we had on vacations. After reading some other blogs and doing some research, we decided to give clean eating a go. On Tuesday and Wednesday I spent hours in the kitchen crafting up zucchini boats stuffed with turkey and mushrooms, mini quiche with peppers and mushrooms for breakfast and a cauliflower, chicken sausage and chicken casserole. They all came out surprisingly well however, my appetite has been insatiable and my sweet tooth has kicked into high gear (oh, the joys of being a girl) which has caused me to go off track a bit.
My goal is to reset my focus this weekend. It’s no secret that I LOVE food. I hate when a “diet” makes me feel like I’m deprived of the food I want. I’ve been researching some fun clean recipes this to combat this. I also met with my trainer for my first individual session this morning. Although he didn’t show me too much that I haven’t already been doing, he helped me with my form and pushed me to increase my weights higher than I would have on my own. I’ve set a few mini goals to help me get my eating and exercise back on track this upcoming week:
- Complete the trainer’s full body strength training routine 3x/week
- Work in a workout from Cassey Ho’s Blogilates at least 3x/week (if you haven’t heard of her, check her out here- Blogilates ). Most of her workouts are 15 minutes or less but which really doesn’t leave me any excuse to skip!
- Commit to Clean Eating
- Try new recipes (hopefully I can remember to take so pictures as I’m cooking and report back here)
- Keep up with your Weight Watchers tracking for ALL meals ALL week
- Suck it up and take your before pictures!
Here’s to a fresh start just in time for spring (and more snow in Boston!? ugh)!
I will be the first to admit that patience is not my best quality. This has always been my downfall in any weight loss attempt. I came across this picture on Pinterest last night and I was a message I needed to hear loud and clear!
Since my last post, I cheated a bit and moved my weigh in day from Monday to Friday. I tend to allow a minor cheat on weekends and use more of my weekly allowance which often leads to a less than ideal weigh in on Monday. At the advice of my boyfriend, I changed my weigh in to match his on Fridays. Hopefully giving us an opportunity to correct for any weekend slip ups throughout the week and allow for a little more enjoyment on weekends. Theoretically, I should probably consider being more responsible with what goes into my mouth on weekends but I get so busy during the week that weekends are often the only time I get to catch up with family and friends and go out and about. This doesn’t always allow for the best food choices. Besides, if I become a slave to Weight Watchers, I’ll never stick with it. Take away my ability to eat something and I’ll crave it 1000x more. So far Friday weigh ins are the compromise. Last Friday was my first official weigh in. I stepped on the scale first thing in the morning and I was up .1 over my starting weight! WHAT!!!?? I had worked so hard (or so I convinced myself)! I decided not to log that weigh in deeming it completely inaccurate. I tried again Saturday morning and was down 2.1lbs. Much better, although still not quite what I was hoping for. I remember losing over 6lbs in my first week of my first adventure in Weight Watchers back in 2009.
The first part of this week threw me slightly off track with logging my food. I’m realizing that breakfast is my downfall. If I don’t have something ready for me to run out the door with, off to Dunks I go! Not good! It starts my entire day off on the wrong foot and mentally gives me permission to eat poorly. I also tend not to log my food if I start the day off wrong because I know I’ve already messed up my points. I am resolving to adopt a more strict policy with myself-if you’re too embarrassed to log it, don’t eat it! And if you do, be honest, log it, correct immediately. I’m afraid I have ruined this weeks weigh in with poor choices at the beginning of the week.
One week from today we’re off to South Carolina to celebrate my best friend’s wedding! Although I’m being told that I am looking slimmer and the scale is showing a loss, I have a horrible fear that my bridesmaid dress suddenly won’t fit! I had it tailored and as of last week it fit like a glove. Logically, it should still be perfect but there’s still that little bit of crazy in me that is nervous! The next week and a half I really need to focus on keeping my cravings in check and watching what I eat to make sure my fears don’t become a reality!
Monday officially kicked off the start (…or more accurately, restart) of Weight Watchers! My boyfriend, Marc, has graciously agreed to sign up with me although I know the plan ultimately does not align with his end goals. Unlike me, he is less concerned with the number on the scale and more focused on losing inches and gaining muscle. I could probably learn a lot from his mindset but at the moment the number on the scale makes me want to curl up in a corner and cry. I do not necessarily have a “goal” weight in mind but I know I don’t want it anywhere near it is now!
Getting back into the Weight Watchers mind set has been a little bit trickier than I anticipated. With Monday, being a holiday, I ventured home to spend some quality time with my family. Mom and I hit the outlets for some birthday shopping and worked up a hunger in a hurry! Avoiding the food court was my first test of will power and I passed, no snacks! When we finished shopping, we met my Dad and brother for lunch…Test 2. A slight feeling of panic set in as they quickly ordered appetizers. Ugh. I managed to stick to one buffalo chicken tender and then settled for the celery dipped in the left over buffalo sauce. For my main course, I had the grilled turkey tips and a side of steamed broccoli. Luckily, the restaurant we chose has several items in the Weight Watchers App which allowed me to make a more educated decision as to what best fit into my point allowance. Although I didn’t feel like I made terrible decisions, I was still hit with a mix of emotions. Guilt for eating out on the very first day, Pride for making a conscious effort and a little displeasure for not being able to absentmindedly pick whatever I wanted off the menu. But I did it! Day one down and I didn’t even exceed my points!
The rest of the week was rather uneventful. I made it to the gym a few days this week (for some reason the week is a bit of a blur and I can’t remember when I actually went). This morning Marc and I took advantage of the first of 3 free personal training sessions offered by our YMCA. Although today was more of a goal setting and assessment session, I felt like it was very informative and will be beneficial in the long run. I’m really looking forward to our session next Friday. Sometimes I feel like I wander aimlessly around the gym with no set plan. I don’t fully know how to use all of the machines and rather than asking, I tend to stick to the familiar ones and get bored pretty quickly. I’m hoping our trainer will be able to point me in some sort of direction.
Tonight I am heading to Maine to visit with some of my college roommates and have plans tomorrow night for dinner with some friends. Again, my will power to stick to the plan will be tested. Fingers crossed!
Recently, it has come to my attention that I am too comfortable. Too comfortable in the worst sense of the word. Too comfortable with mediocrity. I am too comfortable with having low self esteem, poor self image, and a self-defeating attitude. Too comfortable taking my relationships for granted. Too comfortable with things being “okay”. I have convinced myself that mediocrity is the norm. When did this become acceptable? A few short years ago, I was experiencing a high point in my life. I was graduating college, 3lbs from my goal weight after a 27lb weight loss, in a happy and healthy relationship, starting a well paying job, and was genuinely proud of myself for the first time. Somehow, I let that slip away. The transition from college to the professional world proved to be too much for me to handle and I settled for the easy way out. Narrow-mindedness, convenience and laziness took over. Narrow-mindedness in that I started to believe that the pattern I had fallen into was the way things had to be. Why? Because it was easier. Easier to say “I’ve been busy” than make time to prepare my meals and get to the gym. Easier to use stress as an excuse to eat what I want and allow my feelings to overcome my general attitude than to think of constructive and healthy ways to cope. Easier to coast along than make a change. However, easier is not better, easier is not healthy, easier is not easy at all in the long run.
I am unhappy with my body. Not so much because of how it looks, but because of what I had. I know what my body can do. I know how my body can feel and how that impacts my general morale. I understand that my appearance should not dictate my overall impression of myself, but it does. Probably more so than it should but it plays a major role. I must get myself back into a position of feeling proud. Losing the weight is not only a journey in looking better for me. It is about recapturing those feelings of pride and accomplishment. It’s about feeling my best because I am trying to be my best, not letting life pass by with no hands on the wheel. I have the power to change my direction.
After recovering from chaos of the holidays, thoughts of a happier, more satisfied me became more prominent. I have started to make some minor changes including more frequent gym trips and more closely monitoring my diet. Despite these small changes, I am seeing the scale creep up to the highest I have ever seen. The issues are not terribly difficult to identify. I’m not properly tracking my food, If I eat something I shouldn’t, I just don’t track it. Pretending it didn’t happen doesn’t help anyone. My workouts are not as intense as they could be. I am not as knowledgeable as I should be about my plans; how to construct an efficient workout, how to properly fuel my body, how to adjust my mindset to set myself up for success. In fact, I’m not sure I even have a plan at all. Until now.
My goal is to get back on track. To get myself on board with the fact that the results I am seeking will not occur overnight. All too often, I get easily discouraged when the results are not instant and I develop a defeated attitude and slip back into old ways. I need help in this journey. Along with support from within, family, friends, and loved ones, I am turning to a proven resource. Weight Watchers. Weight Watchers helped me accomplish my goals in the past. When I stuck to the plan, I watched the weight come off and my confidence soar. I never felt deprived. I learned a lesson on moderation and self control. I was successful.
This week, I will be starting the Weight Watchers Simple Start program (once I have depleted my current grocery supply!). The plan allows several choices for each meal, most of which are meals that I already make on a regular basis. Some are even meals that I have written off as “cheat meals”. I plan to follow the Simply Start program as written for the prescribed 2 weeks then switch to the traditional point tracking plan for a total of 3 months. Ideally, this will give me the kick start I need. At that point, I will reassess if the plan is working and adjust as needed.
Weight loss is not the only part of my journey. The mental part of this process is almost bigger than the physical. To be successful I must feed my own needs. Practice taking time for myself. Read more. Educate. Crochet. Write. Find time to relax. Sleep. Cook. Work on interpersonal relationships.
Now is the time to enhance my overall wellness.